grief thoughts for the day

 Hey there ole buddy, whoever you are ;) 

I'm thinking about grief as I often do. My therapist recently asked me a question I'm constantly asking my clients: how have you grieved in the past? What supports your grief process? 

    Both of my parents are jewish. I  went to hebrew school and was b'nai mitzvah'd at a reform temple that loved Israel and lacked spiritual depth. I hated hebrew school and felt no connection to judaism.  In undergraduate college, I went where many of us jews have gone; a buddhist temple. Through buddhist philosophy, meditation, and community I found practices that continue to help me relate to loss. 

 As I  entered adulthood and found community with other anti/non zionist jews, I began to feel more at home in jewish ritual. I now find comfort and connection in reciting the mourners kaddish.

 But when I look into my past, my most supportive acts of grief were not conscious; my body just did them.

    I have taken quiet solo walks in nature. I have written letters I will never send. I have unloaded my thoughts through stream of conscious journaling. I have taken long warm showers, I have listened to old music while running. I have looked at death head on a refused to avoid it. I have watched tv with a friend in bed. I have found one concrete task at a time. One time I produced a play and put myself in it in the name of grief. 

Bodies are so smart. They just do stuff if we let them. They just find a way. 

👯